


The Flash Before Your Eyes

by Gilliebear2185



Series: Gil and Scott Brodie: Space Husbands [4]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Coma, Gen, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-12-01 14:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11488713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilliebear2185/pseuds/Gilliebear2185
Summary: Gil's given the opportunity to go out in the field with Scott and his team.  Things do not go to plan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at real multi-chapter fic. As always, anything you spot wrong, please let me know :)

It had been three years since the Archon was defeated on Meridian and the Kett begun to pull back from Heleus, thanks largely to the efforts of the human Pathfinder Scott Brodie (né Ryder).  In the time since, the cluster had entered something of a renaissance, with trade and relationships between the native Angara and the new extra-galactic aliens booming.

The Angara in particular were flourishing, as expedition after expedition returned with new rediscoveries about their past.  The Initiative agreed to limit themselves to the Golden Worlds originally set out before it set off, clearing the way for the Angara to expand their borders and retake their old worlds.  This, in addition to the assurances of the Pathfinder’s assistance in activating planetary vaults, was part of a deal in which the Angara promised to share what knowledge they learned.

It was on one of these planets, Mendradym, that a team lead by Avela Kjar found the ruins of a shipyard and, more importantly, husks of abandoned ships, much larger than the shuttle-sized vessels the Angara were currently capable of producing.  Learning how to build ships of this size had long been a priority for the Angara, and while the Initiative had offered information on Milky Way technology, they politely refused.  They preferred that this be mainly an accomplishment of the Angara.  While attempting the salvage of the most complete of the vessels, however, they ran into difficulties due to the gulf in technology levels between their ancestors and themselves.

Scott Brodie was not a cautious man, except where it concerned two things.  First, his family, and second, his husband, Gil.  Which is why he thought he might come to regret offering the services of himself and his crew to the Angara expedition when they requested technical assistance to examine the drive core.

“I was gonna ask if you wanted to tag along?” he asked, leaning against the window in Engineering.

Gil stilled at his console, head perking up.

“You mean… go on a mission with you guys?” he broached, a hint of exciting seeping through into his voice

“You’d have to be in full armour, of course.  I’ve got an old set lying about that should fit you”

His husband turned to face him, a cautious and yet still somehow optimistic look painted on his face.

“And there won’t be any shooting.  If there were, I wouldn’t even be considering this.  The Angara have already scouted out the area”.

“Well, I’ll consider it.” Gil responded.  The corner of his mouth was twitching.

“You dweeb, I know you mean yes.  You’ve been trying for literally years to get onto the field.” Scott exasperated with a heavy roll of his eyes.

Gil gives him a coy smile and an insolent chuckle.  Taking him out on the mission might just be worth it just to see his grin.

“Show me the way, Pathfinder.” Gil said, gesturing for Scott to lead him out to the armoury.

It took some effort, but 30 minutes later Gil was standing in the Engineering Bay in his old C8 HyperGuardian armour, ready to set out with himself, Jaal and Drack.

“You know, I don’t think white’s your colour” he commented, palming a hand over the metal thorax.

“Too late to colour it black and red, I suppose?” Gil mused, preening at the armour and fidgeting with all the buckles and belts.

Scott brought their heads together so the visors were in contact and took Gil’s hands into his own.

“More importantly, the helmet’s blocking my view of my husband’s handsome face” he flirts, chuckling at the blush creeping into Gil’s cheeks.

“Let’s get on with this, urgh” Drack groaned. 

Scott sobered up at Drack’s complaint and pulled away from Gil to face the other three.  He signalled to Jaal to open the bay doors.

“OK, routine protection detail, remember the protocols and try not to get in the way”.

Scott back turned around took a moment to adjust his eyes to the light levels and soon his field of view was almost occupied by green, as far as he could see.  The planet had changed dramatically since he activated the vault here two years ago.  The only thing he could see that wasn’t green was the ruins of the factory about 200 metres to 2 o’clock.

“Wow” he heard Gil say, somewhere behind him.

“Yeah”

It was never any less amazing to see the effects an active vault had on a planet, no matter how many times he’d done it.

“Pathfinder, a pleasure to see you again” Avela called from the bottom of the loading ramp.

“Avela.  The same to you” he returned, finishing just as he reached the ground to exchange the customary Angara “hand-shake”.

“Gil, Jaal, Drack, why don’t you head over to the engine core, I’ll catch up with you in a bit”

His husband practically skipped off the ramp into the distance, with Jaal and Drack jogging to keep up. leaving Scott to snort and shake his head.  He looked like he was frolicking in the fields.

“Your husband seems to be quite excited” Avela observed with an amused smile.

“It’s his first planet-side mission, he’s been wanting to go on one since we started out” Scott said, returning the smile.

“I hear that soon there will be no Ryders twins left in Heleus” she quizzed cryptically, continuing the small talk.

“Yeah, a date hasn’t been set yet, but Jaal’s pretty excited”

She gave a little chuckle before she cleared her throat.

“Walk with me, Pathfinder.  I’ll take you on a little tour”

They set off in a straight line around the perimeter of the complex.

“I had heard that every Milky Way species capable of advanced space flight learned it from technology left behind from a previous civilisation”.

“We kinda just … stumbled on the technology when we set up our first colony on another planet.  Beings called the Protheans left behind ships and designs for something we call Mass Effect technology.  Nobody knows how or why they disappeared, but it was a hot button topic for scientists all over the Milky Way” he explained.

He, of course, and a select few others, knew better.  It took a long time for those transmissions to stop plaguing his sleep.

“Fascinating.  These Protheans sound very similar to the Jardaan.  The potential implications of this disappearance phenomenon are both exciting and… very worrying”.  Her voice became very serious towards the end.

“I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong Ryder here, Avela, I’m just a simple military grunt.  I could give you my sister’s contact details if you’d like?  She’d love to talk your ear off about the Protheans” he chuckled, attempting to lighten up the conversation.

“I would appreciate that, Pathfinder Brodie” she agreed.

They fell into an easy silence as they continued to walk while Scott drank in the scene next to him.  There was a veritable army of workers and scientists dashing about the site.  Unsafe walls were being scaffolded or torn down and the ships were being careful scanned and examined.  Within a few minutes they reached a small hill and climbed, allowing them view of the entire complex in the plains below.  Avela spoke up again once they had reached the top.

“From what we can tell, this factory was built by a group of Angara settlers who arrived on this planet about 250 years ago”.

“And these settlers are long gone” he mused.

 “Correct.  But, perhaps worryingly, our scans indicate they left _before_ the Scourge arrived”.

“And the planet should have been well within life-sustaining conditions”.

“Correct again, so we –”

Avela was cut off with a blinding flash coming from the factory, followed milliseconds later by a large boom that caused them to stumble.  Scott’s world collapsed around him as he realised exactly what had happened.

“GIL!” he screamed. 

He tore down the hill, leaving a startled Avela behind on the hill.

 _“SAM, can you get a reading on the squad”_ he thought desperately.

_“I am unable to make a connection from here.  Communication signals are jammed”._

_“Jammed, what the fuck?”_

_“I am unable to locate the source yet”._

He sprinted as fast as he could to the entrance of the shipyard.  Smoke was billowing and he could hear the pained screams of those who had been caught up in the blast.  He shoved his way past the falling debris, blasting obstacles away with his biotics.

"RYDER!" Jaal’s voice sounded over his earpiece.

“BASTARDS” Drack’s roar followed.

Jaal and Drack were still alive, but Scott could not let himself feel much relief.  His mind was set only on one thing.  He reached the burning husk of the starship, surrounded by the bodies of Angara workers and researchers.  He frantically overturned all the loose panels, but could not find any trace of his husband.  He got more and more desperate as his searching continued.

“GIL!” he screamed out again into the smoke, but he received no answer.

_“Scott, I have re-established a weak connection to Gil’s armour.  He was thrown clear of the starship, 20 metres by the steel structural support column on the starboard side.  I am still unable to read his vitals.”_

Scott jetted out of the debris and landed with a jolt only a few metres from the support column.  He spotted a white object between the thick smoke, his old armour.  He rushed to it, and Gil’s body came into view.  Scott threw himself down to the ground next to his husband’s prone figure.  A quick visual check indicated the armour itself was mostly intact, but the visor had cracked and caved in.  Gil’s face was covered in soot and blood.

“Gil, can you hear me?” he pleaded, cradling Gil’s head in his hands, lightly tapping the helmet hoping for some kind of response.

_"Gil’s suit sensors indicate he is still alive, but only just"._

“Gil, Gil, come on, answer me, _please_ ” he begged more desperately, but Gil did not respond.  He was just about to lift him onto his shoulders to carry him out when he receives an urgent transmission in his earpiece.

“RYDER!  ROEKAAR!  BY THE FACTORY ENTRANCE!”

Jaal.  He sounded panicked.  Roekaar.  How?  He’d neutralised Akksul years ago.

_“Scott, the smoke here is thin enough to not be dangerous unless heavily exposed to.  I recommend neutralising the Roekaar first, as Drack and Jaal are heavily outnumbered”._

His desperation turned to anger.  Scott flew into a rage, biotics dangerously flaring.  He managed to let his husband down carefully, before he tore a path directly to the entrance he’d just used.

Jaal and Drack came into view, in the middle of a firefight with helmeted Angara fighters.

“YOU BASTARDS!” he shrieked.

He charged straight into a group of them and sent them flying into the burning walls.   His gun lay unused by his side; he could only think clearly enough to use his biotics.  He continued to take out more and more of the Roekaar who had pinned Jaal and Drack down behind already damaged walls until the two were able to emerge from cover and lay down suppressive fire as best they could while avoiding the rapidly moving Pathfinder.

The remaining Angara approaching the entrance hesitated at the sight of him, bathed in an aura of electric blue, dispatching their companions with a fury.  They turned to flee, but Scott trapped them in a singularity before blasting them away with a shockwave.  The last fighter, hiding behind a metal crate, stood up, dropped their weapon and held up their hands to surrender.

“Please, have mercy, I beg you!  I…I have children” they cried.

Scott very nearly ignored their pleas.  He could almost only see blood.  He threw them against a wall, hard enough to knock them unconscious, but not enough to kill or seriously injure them.

By the time he was done, the bodies of Roekaar he found by the entrance lay mangled and broken.  They littered the ground and leaked blood profusely into the soil.  He collapsed on his knees, breathing heavily.  His head was being split open by a terrible headache.  His thoughts swam until they focused back on to one thing.  Gil.  He had to get Gil. 

He struggled to get up, shoving off Drack and Jaal’s attempts to help him, before running as fast as he could back to where Gil’s body lay.  He got on the floor and pulled his husband’s head into his lap, careful to move him too quickly and risk further damage.

_"Pulse is weak and erratic, Scott.  We need to get him to Lexi immediately"._

He was vaguely aware of Jaal radioing the Tempest for extraction while he lost himself in his husband’s unconscious and bloodied face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is basically already written, you should see it soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the second chapter.

“Get out of here, all of you, give us some space!” Drack roared.

The onlookers, scattered leaving Drack to restrain the furious and terrified Pathfinder outside the Tempest’s medbay as his husband’s limp body was carefully brought inside by Lexi and Jaal.  It wasn’t a minute later that Jaal exited and hurried back to his lab.  He heard Lexi’s muffled shout inside instructing SAM to not permit anyone, even him, in to the room until she said otherwise.

 _“Let. Me. Go._ ” Scott seethed, fighting the iron grip with kicks and punches.

“Kid, you need to let Lexi do her job.  You’re just going to get in the way”

“ _Drack is right, Scott.  You would put your husband in greater danger if you were in that room”_

Scott knew they were right, but he refused to admit defeat, screaming and writhing until his voice was hoarse, his muscles ached and his rage seeped from his bones.  Through it all, Drack didn’t flinch or strike back, he just restrained Scott as best he could until he collapsed in exhaustion in his arms.

“You alright, kid?  Can you stand up?”

Scott didn’t think Krogan could sound this… tender.

“Yeah, yeah” he waved the concern away with his hand.  He was lying, of course, and Drack knew it.

Drack sighed, shaking his head.  “I’m not cut out for this kind of emotional support, kid.  Krogans literally don’t cry”.  He let Scott go, who promptly leant back against the wall. “SAM, can you get Jaal to come down here?”.

There was brief pause, then SAM answered. _“He’s on his way”_

It’s not long before there was a blur of pink rushing into Scott’s field of vision, skidding to halt just centimetres from his face.

“Scott.” Jaal stated, worry evident all over his face.

“Jaal.” he acknowledged back, his own face betraying little of the emotional turmoil inside him.

Drack sighed again, before turning to leave.  “Take care of him, Jaal”. 

Jaal didn’t answer, and he and Scott fell into a very awkward silence, staring right at each other.  Scott jittered every so often, twisting his head for a quick look at the medbay doors or tapping against the wall as if, somehow, they would reveal what was happening to his husband inside.  Jaal seemed to have enough of the silence eventually and cleared his throat.

“I, uh, do not think any less of you for acting this way.  If Sara was injured like Gil was, I too would have … flown into a rage”.

“Thank you for putting it like that Jaal.” he drawled, before continuing more seriously “I’m not supposed to ‘fly into a rage’, I have to set an example and assaulting my own subordinates is not setting an example”.

“I believe the saying is ‘ _You’re only human’_ ”.

Scott barked out a laugh, lightly shoving at Jaal’s shoulders.

“Did Sara tell you that one?”

Jaal just smirked.

“We may be two different species, but I do know that comfort in the arms of someone who cares for you is the best cure for distress” he declared, as he opened his arms to pull Scott into a hug, cupping a hand around the back of his head to rest it against his solid chest.

Buried in Jaal’s arms, Scott melted into the hug and finally let the mask fall, letting his true emotions to cascade out in wet tremors as his body was wracked with sobs.  Slowly, Jaal’s rofjinn grew wet with his tears, as he was rocked gently in strong arms.  Scott felt his knees give way, but Jaal sensed this and carefully let them down to the floor, slotted him sideways between splayed legs before he cradled the weeping man securely against his body one again. 

There Jaal sat, and waited, until the sobs softened to sniffles and the tears slowed to trickle.

“It’s my fault.  All of it.  I should’ve been more careful, I shouldn’t have let him out of my sight.  I … I shouldn’t have brought him along” he bawled.

“It was Gil’s choice, Scott.  You can’t blame yourself for everything” Jaal countered, as he tried to reassure him and gently stroked fingers through his hair.

“I’m scared, Jaal” he confessed, tiny voice muffled by wet cloth, fitting the words between sniffs and hiccoughs. “If I lose him, I don’t know what I’m going to do”.

“Gil is strong, Scott.  He will make it through, I know he will.” Jaal promised, without a hint of concern in his voice.  “He will live, because he loves you”.

Scott smiled at that, before trying to change the topic away from the uncomfortable thoughts bubbling up to the surface.

“Christ, I must look pathetic.  The mighty Pathfinder reduced to a blubbering mess” he tried to joke, giving a weak chuckle at the end.

“Well, you do.  But … we are allowed to be ‘blubbering messes’ from time to time” Jaal smirked, drawing a real, genuine laugh from him.  It was a welcome, though brief, reprieve from the shadow of death stalking his mind.

Scott buries himself further into Jaal as the fear returned.  He thought cheerlessly that Gil might have been jealous if it weren’t Jaal, because he’d learned the Angara were different when it came to expressing their emotions.

“Rest now, Scott, I will stay here with you for as long as you need” Jaal gently murmured.

“Thank you, Jaal, really” he whispered in response.

It took a long time, but with the situation in the medbay out of his control and between Jaal’s gentle rocking and warm body, Scott eventually let his body succumb to a fitful sleep.  It was not a good night’s rest.

He was plagued with images of his husband’s body, bleeding in his arms, always too late to save him, always with a look of pain and betrayal carved into his lifeless face.  He relived the moment of the explosion with vivid detail, again and again, each time his husband dying somewhere else, slightly differently.  Broken by the explosion, crushed by falling debris, burned until nothing but ashes remained.  Bled-out in his arms as he ran desperately to get him to safety, and …

Flatlined in the medbay, with Lexi’s broken sobbing and his hoarse wails echoing all the way.

He’s awoken with a jolt to panicked voice in his head, just as he started to the explosion for a seventh time.

_“Scott, I could not let you sleep any further. You were in too much distress.”_

_“No, no, SAM.  I … needed that.”_

He was panting heavily.  His clothes were stuck to him with a layer of sweat.

“Scott!  Sorry, I’m sorry. I, uh, feel asleep too.” Jaal apologised, unusually breathy and rapid-paced.

“Don’t worry about it, Jaal.  I really do appreciate that you were here” he replies, wearing a tired but genuine smile on his face.  “I’m… just gonna go take a shower.  I’ll come back here when I’m done.”

He plodded mindlessly towards the showers without waiting for Jaal to comment and surrendered himself to the scorching water coursing over his skin.  Scott tried not to dwell on Gil’s condition, but it was impossible as his mind worked over and over what he saw in his nightmare.  His shampoo and shower gel lay untouched as he sat curled into a ball on the floor. 

He finally shut off the shower having not actually cleaned up and returned to his and Gil’s quarters to put on a fresh set of clothes.  He willed himself not to look at the pile of dirty clothes his husband left there just this morning.  The ones they had bickered about today, yesterday and the day before.  Once he had new clothes on his back, Scott sat on his side of their bed and let himself crumple forwards and covered his face in his hands.  He had barely touched the bed when Lexi’s voice boomed over the intercom.

“Scott!”

He startled.  She sounded tired, but not sad.  Which meant … good news?

“I’ve managed to stabilise him.  If you want to see – ”

Scott was out of the door and running the short distance to the medbay doors before she could finish the sentence.  As soon as he arrived, he panicked about whether he would actually be able to see him now.  To his relief, the door opened, send a silent thanks to SAM.  To his horror, he saw the state of the room and immediately threw up on the spot, hands on knees.

His husband’s blood was trailed on the floor, like breadcrumbs to the operating table.  Lexi’s scrubs were stained a ghastly red.  He composes himself as soon as he can and realises to his dismay he’s may have just contaminated the room.

“Shit!” Lexi shouted.  She ran over and activated her omni-tool to burn off the vomit on the floor with a laser.  It gave off a sickly acrid smell which only made him wretch more.  As soon as the last drop had been vaporised, she promptly tended to him.

“Are you feeling alright, Scott?  Do you need sit down?” she questioned, calm demeanour restored.

“No, thank you, Lexi.  I’ll be fine” he tried to assure her. 

He doubted she was convinced, not with him still heaving.  Thankfully, she didn’t press further.  She let him catch his breath before she spoke again.

“I’ve got him a large dose of sedatives, just short of a coma.  It’s the best way to let his body heal”.

She paused.  Scott realised she was waiting for him to signal it was fine for her to continue, which he did with a tired nod and a wave.

“It was… bad, Scott.  There was a lot of internal bleeding, organ damage and his brain has bruised.  He’s got a few broken bones and a fractured skull.  It is a very good thing he was wearing good armour because that absorbed the brunt of the blast and all the shrapnel, so most of the blast damage was limited to soft tissue in his abdomen.  His lungs have managed to mostly escape damage, thank the Goddess.  It could have been a lot worse, but it’s difficult to give a prognosis.  I won’t sugar-coat it Scott, he could easily make a full recovery in maybe six to eight weeks, but I’m not an expert on blast injuries”.

He let out the heavy breath he had been holding in, as the room began to spin around him.  Lexi gives him a tight but kind smile.

“I’m so sorry, Scott, but I’ve done all I can.  For now, the rest is up to Gil.  At least until we can get back to the facilities on the Nexus”.

A new sense of resolve settled over him.  Gil needed him.

“Kallo, set course for the Nexus, please.  As fast as we can safely go.” he ordered, facing up at the ceiling.

“Acknowledged, Ryder, setting course.  Arrival estimated in 34 hours 24 minutes” Kallo’s voice buzzed back.

He turned his head back to face Lexi.

“Lexi, send word to Harry.  Let me know when it’s safe for me to visit”

“Yes, Pathfinder” she nodded, before dashing to her console.

He turned to leave the room, so Lexi could finish tidying up, sparing one last glance at the bloodstained sheets covering his husband.

_Please come back, Gilliebear.  I need you._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And chapter 3!

Gil was loaded onto a gurney and carted away as soon as the Tempest’s doors opened.  Scott got stuck filing docking documentation and so, to his fury, was unable to accompany him to the Nexus hospital.  By the time he had finally finished and sprinted to the examination room SAM told him Gil was in, he wasn’t allowed in.Another day and another medbay Scott was locked out off while doctors poked, prodded and skewered at his husband.  He had never felt this helpless before.

“You look like shit” PeeBee offered, with an uncertain smirk plastered on her face.  PeeBee had offered to buy him a cup of coffee in the new entertainment complex.  He had gotten halfway through it, but now Scott started to wonder whether he should have accepted.  He tried to glare at her, but he couldn’t find the energy.

“Thanks, PeeBee.  You say that to all the young men you meet terrified their husband’s going to die?” he drawled, settling instead for biting sarcasm.

PeeBee’s smirk died instantly, replaced by regretful pained grimace.  She covered his hands with her own and Scott made no attempt to move them.

“Sorry, I … don’t really know how to do this” she apologised, squeezing his fingers.

Scott only sighed “Don’t worry, I know”.  Kalinda had done a real number on her and it still had an effect on PeeBee even after years.

There was an uncomfortable pause before PeeBee spoke up again.  “Did you manage to get enough sleep last night?”

“None” he admitted.

“What!? G _ive me that_ ” PeeBee shrieked and wrestled the half-finished cup of coffee he was holding.

“What the fuck, PeeBee!?”

Scott was acutely aware of the other people in the café staring at them.  He could hear the hissing whispers of onlookers

“You need to get some sleep, seriously.  Your husband spent months hurting himself with a terrible sleep schedule.  I’m not letting you do the same”.

“Don’t _nanny me_ ,” he protested, voice rising angrily “I have enough of that with SAM”.

“Ugh…. SAM, can’t you just like… make him drop into a 24hr sleep?” she exasperated.

“I will only do that with Scott’s permission, and he has already said no” SAM buzzed over his omni-tool.

“And I will _not_ be having that discussion with SAM again” Scott insisted and waved his hand for emphasis.

“Scott, please.  You aren’t doing yourself or your husband any good by not sleeping.  Please, go back to your apartment and get some rest” she pleaded with wide eyes.

Scott glared at her.  PeeBee’s face hardened again.

“If you don’t, I’ll call your sister and ask her to go all ‘protective big-sister’ on your ass.  And if _that_ fails, I’ll call your mom!”

Scott paled.  He hadn’t told Sara or his mom yet.  He knew he needed to.  Him, _not_ PeeBee.  He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

“ _Fine_ , have it your way.  I’ll head back now” he relented.  He scooted back in his chair and forced himself up and out.  PeeBee got out of her seat and gently rested a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry Scott, but you’re my friend and I don’t want you hurting any more than you are” PeeBee apologised with an easy smile.

Scott softened his face and sighed “I know, PeeBee.  I appreciate you guys being there for me.  It’s just hard is all”.

He returned the smile briefly and turned away to walk back to his apartment.  He briefly glanced behind him after some time and found PeeBee still at the table, still standing up, still looking at him.  The tram was empty apart from himself, much to his relief.  Normally he was happy to chat with people, but today he didn’t need people staring at him, asking for an autograph or offering empty words of support.

Scott arrived at the door to his apartment, reached out his hand to open it but hesitated at the last second.  He deliberately hadn’t set foot in his own quarters in more than a day.

“Come on, you coward” he whispered, trying to steel himself.

Scott screwed his eyes shut as he motioned to open the door and rushed in before letting them open again.  Thank the stars they remembered to tidy up before their last…

He shook his head to clear his mind of that thought and padded to the bathroom to clean up.  He was able to stand up this time.  He opened the nightwear drawers, pointedly ignoring the mass that lay on top, and quickly grabbed a set of his own pyjamas.  He dropped them like they were hazardous waste when he remembered the one with the dinosaurs on it was Gil’s favourite. 

Scott forced himself to look to the top of the drawers, where Gil left a set of his ‘pyjamas’: a grey t-shirt and blue shorts, both stained with coffee from when his husband had been a klutz, the one he used the last night they were here.  He took them with trembling hands and brought them up to his face.  They hadn’t been here in three weeks and they still smelled like him.  Coffee, his woody and spicy body wash, and the faint trace of sweat and grease.

He caught the hitch in his throat and slowly put them on before he clambered clumsily onto the bed.  It was so empty without him.   This exactly what Scott was afraid of.  _But he had to sleep and tell the family._

“I’ll do that when I wake up” he decided.  Maybe he won’t put it off either.

Scott tossed and turned on the cold beld, wrestling the covers around as he did so.  Every so often he would check his watch and see the minutes pass by, and as they went his frustration increased until it exploded.

“I can’t SLEEP.  Damn caffeine!” he yelled, flinging the covers off in a blue wave and throwing himself into a balled sitting position.  Angry tears spilled down his eyes and soaked into his knees.

_“Scott, your body had already processed all the caffeine you consumed by the time you left the shower.  I made sure it was a priority”._

“SAM, what’s wrong with me?!” Scott shrieked, finishing with a snarl, gripping his knees tightly.  He quickly sank into desperate sobbing “Make it stop, please” he pleaded between hitched tremors.

_“I can only fix what’s physically wrong with you, Scott.  I’m sorry I can’t directly fix what you’re feeling, but I will always be there for you as a shoulder to lean on.  The awareness to provide emotional support was something your father was insistent I possess”._

Scott smiled weakly through the tears _“Thanks, SAM.  If you had a corporeal body, I’d give you a hug right now”._

_“If I had a corporeal body, I’d give you a hug right now.  I will say, though, that tears are a normal human strategy for dealing with strong emotions”_

Scott snorted and let the tears take their natural course until eventually the wet heaves became dry heaves and the hitches stilled to quiet sniffles, leaving him in a sense of calm he hadn’t had in a long time.  It was oddly freeing.

_“Scott, you have new e-mail”_

He snapped out of his stupor and lunged to grab the datapad on his side table and opened the e-mail, wiping the remains of the tears to clear his vision.  No, it wasn’t not Harry.  He shoved aside the disappointment to read.

 

> _Hey Kid,_
> 
> _You know I’m not good at this emotional support stuff, but I want you to know that I’m gonna be there for you when you need it for as long as you need it.  You and Gil are the best couple I know.  Seriously, you blow my granddaughter and that botanist out of the water._
> 
> _I’ve scrounged up something that I hope cheers you up._
> 
> _Drack._
> 
> _P.S. Don’t tell Kesh I said that._

Attached to the e-mails were photos of Scott and Gil, sometimes on their own, sometimes with the other crew.  In each of them, they were smiling together, in the middle of a soft, intimate moment.  The very last of them is of the day they got married, snapped just as their lips touched.

“Thank you, Drack” Scott whispered.

The tears came crashing back into him, but this time he wore a smile on his face as they spilled onto the datapad.  He read the e-mail looked the photos again and again and again, not realizing that his eyelids grew heavier each time until it became a struggle to keep them open.  Once the tears had stopped again, he put the datapad back on the side table and rolled over to Gil’s side of the bed.  He hugged Gil’s pillow tightly to his chest as he curled up, trying surround himself with the smell of his absent husband.

This time, there were no nightmares.  Just calming empty blackness.

* * *

 

Scott slowly came to in the darkness of his Nexus apartment.  A blurred glance at his wristwatch (05:34) told him he’d slept a little over fifteen hours.  He sent a mental thank you note to SAM for his help, before it dawned on him that he might be able to see Gil.

He grabbed the datapad he’d used last night and checked his alerts.  There was one from Harry.  His grogginess instantly vanished.

 

> _Scott,_
> 
> _Gil is stable, but further discussion should be in person.  It will be easier to explain.  You know my office hours, drop in anytime._
> 
> _Harry._

 

Harry started his shifts at 08:00, so he had two-and-a-half hours to kill.  It was enough time to shower, have breakfast and, he realized, tell his mom and Sara what happened.  And Jill.

_Do that last_ , he thought.

When he emerged from the bathroom, clean and not smelling like Gil – his face fell when that occurred to him – he rummaged the kitchen cabinets for the Blast-Os he knew he had stashed away.  Once found, he grabbed the reconstituted soy milk from the fridge.  Gil professed a preference for the real thing, but that wasn’t going to be a thing in Heleus for decades.  He settled onto the kitchen table and hoovered three full bowls into his mouth. 

Scott checked his watch again - 06:30. He sighed and walked to his desk.

“SAM, what time is it on the Hyperion and Prodromos?”

“Local Time is 03:30 and 10:30 respectively” the blue orb on the corner announced.

“I suppose that leaves Jill first” he sighed. “SAM, put in a vidcall for Jill in Prodromos”

After a few seconds of ringing, Jill’s head came into view.

“Scott, what do I owe the pleasure?”

Scott thought she seemed cheerful enough.  Not that that would have any effect on how she responded to the news.

“Hi Jill, uh… there’s something I need to tell you.  A-about Gil”

“What’s your husband done now?  I bet it’s the ale.  Have the Nexus folks finally sniffed out his brewing operation?” she chuckled, eyes rolling.

“No… Um.  That wasn’t it”.  A pause settled over the conversation

“So… what is it then?”.  She still didn’t seem too concerned.

“We were out on a mission and … there was an ambush.  Gil… Gil’s basically in a coma”.  Jill stilled for a moment before she exploded.

“What?!  Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”

“I-I haven’t told my family yet either …”  Scott managed, sinking back into the chair.

“What the fuck were you thinking bringing that boy into the field?  He’d injure himself tripping over a _kaerkyn_!”

“Well, h-he…”.  Tears started to well in his eyes.

“Oh God, Gil” Jill gasped, the rage drawing back.  She put her head in her hands and started to shake.  There was a long pause where the only sounds were Scott and Jill’s crying.  Eventually, Jill settled and sniffed one last time before speaking again.

“I’ll take the first transport to the Nexus I can get.  What’s the prognosis?” she asked in a level, professional voice.

“I… don’t know.  I haven’t been allowed to see him yet and the doctor hasn’t started his shift”

She only sighed.

“I’ll let you know when I get there” she said, and promptly cut off the call at her end, leaving Scott to his thoughts and drying tears.

_Nope, not doing that again anytime soon._

It was still 07:13.  If he took it slowly, he could get to the hospital at 08:00 and not have to sit in this room. 

Scott meandered his way out of his quarters and along the residential block, pointedly avoiding any groups of more than two people.  He must have ended up taking the tram back and forth about thirteen times before he decided it was time to head to the hospital.  He knocked on the door to Harry’s office at precisely 08:00 and stepped inside at Harry’s call, where he was greeted with the sight of Harry’s tight face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop coming up with ways for Scott to cry :(


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not one of my best, but here you go!

Scott gulped.

“Harry?” he squeaked out.

“Scott! How are you feeling?” Harry welcomed him with a nervous vigour.

He didn’t have the energy for Harry to awkwardly attempt to make conversation.

“Harry, please, just … just cut to the chase”.

“Very well.  Why don’t you sit down?” Harry gestured to the bare chairs by the wall.  Scott did as he was asked and stared up into Harry’s eyes.  “Gil’s very lucky Lexi got to him when she did.  Much longer, and I fear the damage to the soft organs would have been too great”.

“The prognosis, Harry” he urged blankly.  He didn’t need to know what happened, he was there.  He needed to know what was coming. 

Harry sighed, letting his eyes close and shoulders slump.  He grabbed the free chair by Scott and pulled it out before he sat down facing him.  He pulled Scott’s limp hands into his own.

“His body is healing well enough.  I expect it to take a few months until he’s back in peak condition.  Normally, he would be out and about before that”.

_Normally.  Here comes the bad news._

Scott mentally steeled himself for the pain.

“But … the coma he’s in is more serious than we thought.  We don’t know if we can coax him out of it ourselves without causing brain damage”.

He closed his eyes and fought against the tremble coursing through his bones.  He was distantly aware that he wasn’t fighting very well, if the shaking in his hands was any indication.

“I’m sorry Scott.  I’m doing everything in my power to bring Gil back to good health, please believe me”.

Scott opened his eyes to peer into pleading blue irises.  He’d never seen Harry drop his jovial doctor’s persona.

“Can I go see him?”

There was a momentary flicker of concern that flashed across Harry’s face before he calmly answered as if nothing bad had even happened.

“Of course!”

He was lead carefully into the ward to a bed sectioned off with curtains, past a long line of occupied beds.  Harry drew the cream fabric back to reveal his husband lying peacefully under the blankets.  They had removed the bandages covering his face, exposing the healing wounds and deep purple bruise on his right cheek.  There was a deep cut running across his stilled lips.  Scott rarely saw his husband when he wasn’t smiling.  Maybe he won’t ever again.

He drew himself closer until his body touched the bed frame.  The blood had been cleaned off and by the looks of it, he’d been given a sponge bath.  He carefully lifted his hand to rest it against the exposed hair at the top of Gil’s head.

“That cut is going to scar pretty badly for a long time" Scott observed.

“Gil likes to say that ‘women love scars’.  He loves it when we’re out in a bar or something and a girl swoons over him and that scar on his chin.  He loves it even more when I come back and kiss him while flashing my wedding ring” he chuckled, not insincerely.

He heard a polite laugh in response.

“I’ll give you two some space, if you’d like?”

Scott bobbed his head in a nod, not turning to face the man about to leave.   He barely made out the sound of Harry sweeping out against the commotion of the hospital ward.

He let go of Gil to fetch the nearby chair and sat down by Gil’s side.  He took Gil’s left hand in both of his. 

“Hi, Gil, babe.”  He put on his best brave smile even though he knew Gil wouldn’t be able to see.  “If you don’t know, we’re in the Nexus hospital.  You got pretty banged up back there.” 

The smile started to slip as he felt the words tumble uncontrollably out of his mouth.  “We didn’t know if you’d make it.  We… still don’t know.”

He tightened his grip on Gil’s hands.  His voice began to tremble and grow louder, and as it did, the sounds of the ward, the laughter, the clinking of metal, the beeps of the equipment become silent. 

“I need you, Gilliebear.  Every day you’re here, it’s so hard.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.  Please, wake up!”

A pair of hands threw open the curtains shrouding them in privacy.  Harry.

Scott fled the ward, escaping the room just before the tears started streaming down his face.

 

* * *

 

 

The ringing lasted only a brief second before the bust of Ellen Ryder came into view on the console.

“Scott?  Are you okay?!”  she bombarded, clearly she didn’t like what she saw.

He hadn’t looked in a mirror since he left the hospital, but he would bet anything he looked like shit.  Tear streaked cheeks and a consistent hiccough.  But he had no reason to hide it from his mother.

“Mom?” he croaked. “Mom?  Mom, something happened.  To Gil”. 

“Oh, darling.  I heard what happened from one of the doctors in my ward”.

The news had spread like wildfire when they docked on the Nexus, so he shouldn’t have been surprised his mom knew before he could tell her.  If he wasn’t already so distraught, and embarrassed by his very public disintegration, he might just have had a problem with that.

“Harry says they don’t know if he’ll ever wake up”.

There was a tender, compassionate expression in his mother’s face. 

“Darling, Gil’s strong and he loves you.  He’ll be out of the ward in no time, just for you”.

“That’s what _everyone_ says.  It’s not what Harry says” he snapped in a flit of rage.  He winced briefly when he remembered who he was talking to, but the realisation was only enough to calm his anger, not his distress.

 “What if this is it?  He spends the rest of his life in a coma just like Sara’s.  What if he doesn’t _get_ better and  - and Harry asks me -”  He cut himself off before he finished that thought.  “What if I don’t get to tell him that I love him again?”

His mom took a breath with closed eyes, and spoke.

“When I was diagnosed, your father was distraught.  Oh, he wouldn’t show it, but a wife knows her husband.  You experienced his memories.  He wouldn’t stop fighting to cure me.  He went everywhere and did anything.  This whole Andromeda _thing_ was just so he could try to find a way to cure me.  And here I am.  I wouldn’t have had the energy to make it as far as I did if he wasn’t there right beside me”.

In the time she had been awake, they hadn’t really spoken about his dad’s attempts to find a cure before Andromeda.  She had said that, now that his dad was gone, she couldn’t find it in her.  And, really, he didn’t want to dwell on it either.  There were far too many unhappy memories from that period of their lives.

“Don’t give up on him, Scott.  Not even for a second.  Because I know he’s fighting.  He’s fighting for _you_.  He won’t give up on you as long as you don’t give up on him” she implored, full of emotion but at the same time strong. 

“Besides,” she said, lightening up with a casual wave of her hand.  “Ryders don’t give up.  We just don’t know how”.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.  She was right.  He needed to be strong, because Gil needed him to be strong.

“Thanks, mom”.  He sent her his best shy toothy grin and she did her best to return it.

They settled into easy conversation, talking about anything and everything.  The weather on Meridian, the state of Prodromos, even Angaran courtship (pleasant, hot but doing well, Sara won’t talk about it).  Unfortunately, they didn’t have long to catch up. Scott soon noticed a commotion out of frame, and he could see his mom arguing with someone, but she’d muted the mic so he couldn’t tell who it was. 

“Mom?” he called.

His mother turned back to face him.

“Scott-  Scott they’re going to cut me off.  They couldn’t even let a mother talk to her son for more than a few minutes” she grumbled in a huff.  “Scott, I’m so sorry I can’t be there with you.  I tried, but you know they won’t let me out of the hospital, not even for this”.  She tugged lightly at the clear rubber tube spilling out of her nose.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in person.  And I’m sorry for going off on you like that”.  He really did mean those things. 

“You have more important things to worry about, Scott.  You’ve got a husband in the hospital who needs you.  And you need him.  But please, don’t forget yourself!” she hurried.  The nurses must be insistent.

“Goodnight, Mom.  I love you”.

“Love you too, Scott.  Goodnight”.

The last he saw of her image was a smile gracing her lips as she reclined back into her hospital bed.

 

* * *

 

 

43 hours and 20 minutes since they touched down.  Not that he’s counting.  He’s especially not counting now that he’s back at the café he met PeeBee in.

“How are you holding up, Ryder?”

Even now, Liam’s enthusiasm saw no bounds.  If it were about nine hours ago, Scott might have wanted to wipe the smirk from his face.  Luckily for Liam, it wasn’t nine hours ago. 

“I’m … doing OK, I guess.  About as OK as I can be.”  He twiddled his thumbs.  He liked Liam (most of the time), but it was hard to match that cheerfulness right now.

“Come on, Ryder, no need to be so down.  Gil’s got the best doctor this side of the of the intergalactic medium, he’ll be up swiping all our money in no time.”

Scott gave him a distinctly unimpressed face.  Liam was still smiling.

“He’ll… be out fixing the Tempest in no time?”

Now Scott lifted his left brow and crossed his arms.

“He’ll be screwing you silly in no time?”

His eyes were now glaring up and out to that very bright light behind Liam.  His cheeks were heating up.  Scott definitely liked it when Gil ‘screwed him silly’, but this wasn’t exactly an appropriate time nor was he with appropriate company. 

“Why did I choose to meet you in public, again?” he huffed, trying to sound as crabby as possible.

Liam shook his head as if to clear his thoughts.  “Look, why don’t we go do something.  It’s not healthy for you to sit around moping all day”.

Scott gave him a few seconds pause before uncoupling his right hand, stretching his arm out and offering an empty palm to invite whatever answer Liam could possibly drum up.  “OK, then, what do you have in mind?”

“A vid, movie night.  Star Wars.  The original.  Can you believe Vetra still hasn’t seen it?”

Scott blinked once.  “You _just_ said it wasn’t healthy to be sitting around all day”.

“No, I said sitting and _moping_ all day.  Look, I know I’m sometimes too much, but whether you end up like hanging around with me or not, at least you won’t be moping”.

To be fair, that was somewhat logical.  For Liam, at least.  Scott relented.

“Star Wars, huh?”

“Yeah, I got all the guys to clear out their schedules for tomorrow night.  We’re doing it at Vetra’s, ‘cause she’s got the biggest living room”.

Scott softened his posture and gave him a knowing smile.

“OK, have it your way.  I’ll go to your little movie night”

“Haha, I knew you’d say yes, Ryder” Liam playfully punched him on the arm. “In the meantime, how about we get out of here and go get a burger?  I hear they’ve finally got the lab grown stuff to taste right.”

Twenty-five minutes later, when Scott took his second bite of the, actually quite good, burger, and when juices had begun to run off his chin back on his plate, his smile was perhaps the longest he’d worn since Mendradrym. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea is that the Tempest crew rally around Scott. The movie night will more prominently feature those who haven't already made a direct appearance.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Work got in the way!

“Whahey, our esteemed Pathfinder has arrived”

He smiled sheepishly as Liam offered him a cold beer at the door.

“Maybe not.  I’m… not sure I could handle the booze right now”

Liam’s smile became understanding.  There was a part of him, as much as it distressed him, that hated it.

“Well, if you say so”.

Liam moved aside to let him in.  He had a clear view of the mangy sofa, the centrepiece of the room, and all of his crew gathered around and on it.  His friends.  They’d been through too much together to be anything else.  They all wore polite smiles, just like Liam’s, but he saw threw them.  He knew he looked like shit.  Huge bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep.  Slumped shoulders and messy hair.  Damn nightmares wouldn’t leave him alone.

He padded his way over actually surprisingly well-kept floor to the spot right in the centre of the sofa where a gap was being flanked by Kallo and Suvi, he suspected (rightly) that was for him.

Now he’d seen Star Wars _many_ times before.  Honestly wasn’t his favourite vid (one of the _many_ things that caused his father to express disapproval in him), but it was fun.  Liam, of course, had memorised all the lines and trivia.

_Did you know she isn’t even wearing a bra here?  The producer convinced her there was no underwear in space, can you believe that?  Haha if only they knew what we know._

He didn’t even have a second after the medal ceremony segued to the credits when Vetra and Cora pulled up him up and dragged him away to the kitchen.  When they finally released their iron grip on his upper arms, they both gave him a long one-over with their eyes.  Vetra, still with her hands wandering a hair’s width over his body, had a bit of a nervous energy about her.

“Are you sleeping well, eating?”

“Yes, _mom_ ”.                     

“Very funny, Scott” she exasperated.  Cora was vibrating, trying her best to not let her giggles loose.  It was rare to see her this chirpy, let alone giggling.

“Hey, now, calling it as I see it”.

“You’re such a child sometimes, Scott”.

“But yes, Vetra, I’m eating and sleeping well”.

“Just…  We just want you to know that we’re here for you.”

Cora had calmed herself down and was silently nodding in agreement.

“I appreciate it.  Really, from all of you guys.”

“Why don’t we head back in?  I think Liam wanted to turn this into a marathon”.

“He’s not going to bore us with this talk over the right order to watch these things, right?”

Their voices receded into the distance as he collected his thoughts before he too slipped back into the lounge just as the ice plains of Hoth swept into view.

It’s late at night on the sixth day when he finally saw her face ghosted in blue on his bedside table.  He definitely would have preferred that she made an appearance sooner.  Behind the emotional haze clouding his head, he knew he wasn’t annoyed.  Sara, after having joined the research corps, had a habit of dropping out of contact for weeks at a time.  She looked calm and collected (typical Sara) and if he didn’t know any better, he might have missed the slight angle in her eyes that betrayed her inner concern.

 

* * *

 

 

“How have you been sleeping?”

Classic Sara.  Straight and to the point.

“Somehow I think you can tell what the answer to that question is”.

“How bad?” _are the nightmares_ , he finished silently in his head.

“Almost every night.  Sometimes bad, sometimes worse”

“Scott… I… I wish there was I way I could help”

“I know Sara.  I know”.

“He’ll make it, I’m telling you, Scott”.

He didn’t have an answer to that.

“I keep saying it, but I wasn’t that surprised you’d found someone by the time I woke up.  You were always the one who wore their heart on their sleeve, even if you didn’t have the best of luck with love back home”.

“Yeah, and now everyone in Heleus knows about Pathfinder Crybaby” he scoffed.

“What they think about you doesn’t count, Scott.  You’ve saved their asses so many times they don’t have the right to judge you for that.  Besides, I’m pretty sure that nickname was just something you made up on the spot”.

He could see flashes of his mom in her righteous indignation.  And, really, she wasn’t wrong.  He sighed and flopped down onto his bed, turning his head just enough to see Sara.

“He’s it for me, Sara.  Others came close, maybe, but when I think about me as a decrepit old man, I have to see Gil right there beside me.  Otherwise everything’s… grey and empty”.

“You’ve _definitely_ had quite a steady stream of boyfriends.  It’s good you’ve settled done, now”.

He simply raised an eyebrow at that comment.  She didn’t mean anything by it, and they knew other too well to know when the other was trying to be subtle, but that was no excuse not to roll with it and have a little fun.  Especially now.

“Are you calling me a slut, Sara?”

Sara smirked.

“Well, after those twins, the raggedy mercenary, your Sergeant in basic, that Turian, the second Turian, the artist you met in Toulouse, that exiled mercenary on Eos and then _Reyes_ ”.

And the game was on.  Time to turn it up a little, he thought.  He missed this.

“Hey now, I’m confident guy who knows what he likes.  ‘Sides, most of those guys weren’t really boyfriends.  Plus, Bain and Reyes were _really_ good at fucking m-”

“STOPPING you right there, baby brother”.

Sara made an exaggerated show of covering her ears and screwing her eyes shut.  Ah, the sweet sight of victory.

“Don’t ever tell Gil, but for a while, he really wasn’t as good at screwing m-”

“STOP!”

“-e silly.”

Their little Nomad romp a few years back had fixed that little issue.  Scott could definitely look forward to regular screwings.

“I don’t want to hear stories of strange men ravaging my little brother” she emphasised.

He wore a silly grin on his face.

“Turian dick feels really good, by the way”

She’d never looked so unimpressed, it was amazing.  Sara was _well_ past the point a toothy grin could charm her back from being so irritated.

“Same with Angara dick” she deadpanned.

He let out an enthusiastic chuckle and he could make out Sara doing the same.  Once he recovered, he felt oddly content.  It wouldn’t last, he knew that, but for now, right now, it almost felt like life had gone back to normal.

 “But Gil’s really it.  The one.  Bain and Reyes had style, but Gil’s?  Gil leaves them all in the dust.  He’s … everything”.

“I seem to recall you being completely head over for the artist guy”

“He was amazing, but I mean, that was right before Dad pulled us into the Initiative, remember?”

“Oh, right.  Sorry, it seems like such a long time ago”

He almost managed to bite back the snarky retort building on his tongue, as the smile on his face faded.

“More than 600 years” he drawled, not unkindly and with a hint of mischief.

Sara sighed and made an exaggerated show of slumping her shoulders.

“Touché, Scott”.

 

* * *

 

 

As much as he hated it, the days flew by far too fast.  Way too fast, until the thing he was dreading perhaps almost as much as Gil never waking up was suddenly on him.  He’d visited every day since they’d arrived on the Nexus.  By day eight, the nurses knew better than to disturb him.  By day eleven, he’d learned to come in the evenings.  Technically outside visiting hours, but he had Pathfinder’s privileges.  Even in the dark, it was never easy to see Gil like this.

“ _But this … C’mon Scott, don’t be a baby”_

He steeled himself and clumsily grabbed the same old chair in the dim light of the quiet room and sat by the bed again.  There was a little patch of mattress by Gil’s left side with enough room to lie his head on.  So that’s what he did.  He pillowed his head onto folded hands resting on the bed. 

The watch on his wrist ticked 00:00.  He tilted his head slowly to face Gil’s sleeping face and gently closed a hand against Gil’s cold, unresponsive fingers, careful to not jostle the intravenous grip. 

“Happy anniversary, Gilliebear.  I love you” he murmured, voice trembling, trying his best to head off the surfacing tears without closing his eyes and losing sight of his husband.

Scott took the alloy band on Gil’s hand and rolled it between his fingers.

“The beginning of forever” he whispered, repeating the band inscription by heart, so quietly not even Gil would have been able to hear it.

His vision clouded, pooled with tears, and Scott gave in to his aching heart, letting them spill silently down his cheeks.  He sniffed but there were no wretched cries, no desperate sobs.  He’d resigned himself days ago to the shitty truth he couldn’t do anything to make Gil recover.  He was just going to have to hope for the best.

The nightmares weren’t so bad this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably one chapter left in this, I'll try to get it out before Christmas :P


End file.
